Category Restaurants

Coffee: A Field Guide

Do you ever find yourself at a McDonald’s, Starbucks, Caribou, or other coffeemonger and find yourself asking “what’s the difference between a latte and a cappuccino?” Well, to be honest very, very little. It seems as though the general rule of thumb is the more exotic it sounds, the more they’ll charge you for it. […]

Hipsters and Food: A Deadly Combination

When I see a man or a woman- actually scratch that, when I see a woman taking pictures of her food, it takes all the self-restraint I can muster not to smash her face in the meal and Instagram a photo of it. Hipsters and food are a match made in hell and the fruits […]

Sandwiches, a Love Story. Also Drinks

When I bury my meaty¬†jowls into the warm embrace of a well-constructed sandwich, I’m taken to a special place in my mind. A safe place free of worry, trouble, or strife. A happy place. Have you ever eaten something and thought “wow, I could eat this every day for the rest of my life and […]

Kudos to the Clown

So I go waddle into a McDonald’s or (as I’ve come to think of it) my natural habitat the other day and for the first time in my life I’ve got to say I was impressed. Now this may be old news because I’ve been in college for four months and haven’t been to a […]

Literature for the Illiterate: The OTHER Food Pyramid

I’ve taken the liberty of breaking down my idea of how restaurants are organized in the above graph. The following is an in-depth look at each tier. Enjoy!!! Street Vendors:¬†Street vendors are the lowest level on the totem…pyramid. These would include hot dog vendors, pretzel pushers, and (at some amusement parks) gigantic turkey leg mongers. […]

Fast Food Restaurant Review- McDonald’s Schaumburg

Upon my arrival to the establishment, the first thing to catch my attention was that there was no waiter on duty. I approached the counter and was greeted by a short gentlemen who’s name tag read “Carlos”. The name tag also labeled him as the restaurant “manger”. What an odd way of saying executive chef. […]

Chick-fil-A the Gay Away

; I need to cover this while it’s still news. First: I fully support gay marriage because everyone deserves the experience of watching their loved ones let themselves go and poop with the bathroom door open. Boom, done. Now, Chick-fil-A owner Dan Cathy has publicly expressed his disapproval of gay marriage. I AM FINE WITH […]

Portion Police: Drinks

First off: let me tell you about my relationship with Dominick’s grocery store: I eat at the cafe all the time and every time I waddle out hating myself. Last night I go in there around 8:00 PM, in search of something to cram down my gullet and there are two women working behind the […]

In Protestation…

My friends, I must launch a protest. A protest against the abuse of our capitalist system. I am talking of course about a protest of Starbucks. Recently I walked into what I formerly belived to be a purveyor of fine caffeinated delights when I found myself both hoodwinked AND bamboozled. I asked for a small […]

Carnival Food

Recently, I paid a visit to Six Flags Great America for the first time in 6 years. First off let me just say that some of those rides made me blow chunks and therefore should be wiped off the fac of the Earth. Rides aside, one thing that really caught my eye was the food. […]