What Your Personal Trainer’s Really Thinking…

On the eighth day, Satan put athletic trainers on this Earth to silently torment the obese with their perfect forms. Here are my predictions as to what goes through these chiseled-chested demons minds as they watch us suffer through the countless exercises they prescribe for us.

Squats

  • “Oh my God, if he farts now I win the pool!”
  • “Your fat rolls look like an accordion expanding and contracting.”
  •  “If this is how you look when you squat, how could you possibly look when you’re constipated?”
  • “You know, this is how John Candy died.”

Elliptical

  • “Is that sweat or just bacon grease left over from lunch?”
  • “Maybe if I dangle a donut in front of him I can get off early?”
  • “Is that a tear? That’s a tear. Ladies and gentlemen the Hoover dam has sprung a leak!”

Sit-Ups

  • “This moment is just precious… based on the novel Push by Sapphire.”
  • “You know, it wouldn’t hurt to take a hose to that beefy undercarriage of yours once and a while.”
  • “Oh really that’s just your baby weight? YOUR CHILD IS 16!!!”
  • “Honestly you could uproot a California redwood with one kick from those gargantuan kankles.”

More to come.

~I’ll be feeding you seconds in no time,

Michael

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2 comments

  1. Colin DeWaay · · Reply

    Awwww no way trainers love helping people get fit! But it was good for a nice laugh! LOL

  2. What a fantastic Blog you’ve got going here! Loved the read and Goodluck in your upcoming endeavors! If you get a chance, please take a look and follow my blog, talk2thetrainer.com its full of motivation, fitness advice and contest prep secrets!

    Keith-

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