Portion Police: Drinks

First off: let me tell you about my relationship with Dominick’s grocery store: I eat at the cafe all the time and every time I waddle out hating myself.

Last night I go in there around 8:00 PM, in search of something to cram down my gullet and there are two women working behind the counter. One of them is sweeping and the other one is watching her. Yes, “working”. I stood there for twenty minutes, being ogled at by the other mutants working there (none of the workers at this location have necks, just chins), when finally one of them waves me away. They were closed. I guess they were too caught up in their work to let me know earlier. Then again, I was just fat enough to wait twenty minutes.

Anyways so I go there today out of spite and hunger (one of the worst combinations) and I get my food, a philly cheesesteak sandwich, soup, cookies, and Diet Coke. You know, because I didn’t want to spoil my appetite. But the size of this Coke looked like a hay silo. I could feel the onset of diabetes mid-drink. Like, if you threw some ice cream in there it would be the Titanic nay the Noah’s Ark of soda floats.

Point is, those kind of portions shouldn’t even be legal. New York’s proposed ban on drinks larger than 16 oz in restaurants needs to be passed before fatties such as myself throw the world off its axis. Nobody needs a drink larger than 16 oz. At that point, you’re not drinking because you’re thirsty, you’re drinking because you’re bored and that’s where the unnecessary calories kill you.

I know soda is delicious so here’s what I challenge you to do: Throw your drink out when you’re done eating. If you stick to water in between meals, you have the opportunity to save thousands of calories each year.

So before you toss back a big gulp, do a little math and take a look at how many calories you’re adding when you don’t need it.

If you can’t handle that. Try diet drinks. Just my two cents.

I’ll be feeding you seconds in no time~
Michael Pirovano

To read more about the situation in New York, visit http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/24/new-york-soda-ban-public-hearing_n_1699591.html



  1. Anonymous · · Reply

    The government shouldn’t regulate people’s food choices….don’t complain about the ginormous drink, just buy a smaller one. It’s no one’s responsibility but your own to choose what *YOU* eat.

    1. I would agree that it’s our choice. But they don’t spend billions of dollars advertising apples. Now this may be comparing apples to orange crush but I think if people are naturally making unhealthy choices, big brother needs to step in at some point. And besides, some of those drinks are just ridiculous.

  2. Sarah "sars" · · Reply

    This made me laugh. In Asia a US small is a medium. And a small here is a US kid size. This isn’t bothersome, it just makes me laugh. What is annoying though, is that if you go out to eat, water glasses are the size of little Solo paper cups you put your mouthwash in. I think there’s a happy medium.

    There should be some regulation there. People wouldn’t drink it if it didn’t look like a money saving deal. When we see something is ONLY a $1 more and we see that we’ll get more out of it, of course we’re going to go for it. That’s American culture.

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